Righting Wrongs

"It's hard, but sometimes we get lucky. We get a kick in the pants. We experience a moment of internal dissonance in which we suddenly realize that our old ways of seeing no longer helps us make sense of the world." (158)

Geez, when is that NOT true? I have always been a very stubborn person. I am the person that refuses to admit they are wrong even when all signs show how incorrect they really are. I have also been the type of person that either blames themselves all of the time or not at all. I personally had multiple "kick in the pants" all through my life. However one key moment rings a very loud bell to me at the time and still now.

I thought proving friendships that seemed rather unfavorable would benefit from giving certain tests to the friend/s. In the process, it nearly ruined a friendship ultimately. I would regularly test my friend from seeing if they would answer their phone/text at several times early in the morning or late at night to borrowing random stuff to just having a sporadic talk out of the blue. I thought I was fully in the right place by doing all of this stuff. If anything, not only was I in the wrong place actually but I could have been the textbook example of how wrong I was. My so-called necessary tests were maiming my already sensitive friendship. I saw how irritated and annoyed my friend would get. Did the signs stop me from distributing more tests? NOT AT ALL. 

As for the long overdue kick in the pants moment was this.  My friend did not only get beyond frustrated and bothered with my antics, but he told me he would never talk to me again and that we were through. I have always feared of pushing any of my friends away and them saying any of those words. I was at long last meeting one of my biggest fears. It made me realize I do overreact, over-think, over-speak, over-analyze, and how utterly over I am with the tests. Maybe in the beginning of the friendship, a few tests are fair game to figure out what type of person you are befriending is. 10 million tests per month no, not fair at all. I saw my over-analyzations although occasional fun, can lead to damaged situations. I could not see anything as simple. It made me jealous of a small gesture to someone saying "hi". I learned to take things as they are or least not as extreme heightened versions of themselves. I am just starting now to breathe a little more balanced, content. This was needed and will be continued. This time I will admit I was wrong but at least, I am right in admitting to it :)