Power vs. Love

When taking a look at my own life now in some ways I see a balance of power and love. The reason why I say some ways is because I think it is very hard for ones life to have every aspect and situation contain a complete balance of power and love. As I have grown older I have been able to have more parts of my life have a better balance between power and love but it has not always been that way. One story comes to mind when I think of me learning how to balance power and love.

It made me think of when I played volleyball. I started playing volleyball in third grade and I always loved it. I must admit, I was pretty good but growing up playing in the CYO (christian youth organizations) league at my private school they did not put the emphasis on winning. Sure I would feel let down when we would loose but I never let the game take over my life. When we would win it would feel awesome and I knew that the power inside me helped us win and I was a strong leader on the team. But as I said, if we lost I never let it get to me. I just enjoyed playing the game. When I got to high school things changed though. I was the only freshman on the varsity team and my outlook on the game changed. I was thrown into a vigorous, intense game that I was not used to. Playing all of a sudden became all about winning and getting to the top. If we lost, it was not acceptable and I started to feel so much more pressure playing. Also being the youngest on the team made the pressure even greater and I started to over analyze every move I made on the court. I would get really down on myself if we lost and it was not healthy for me. The love I once had was gone. During my sophomore year I felt the same way. My junior year I was co-captain and I had finally gotten back a little of my love for the game but playing volleyball was still not the same. Even though I was enjoying myself more, I still would over analyze all my mistakes and would be really hard on myself.
Finally my senior year came and I was captain. It was a different season. I was at the top, my team was relying on me to set the example and to be a good leader. Throughout the season my love for the game came back but the power inside of me stayed. I was finally able to have a balance between the two and it felt amazing. I realized that I had chosen one and denied the other which left me in 'peril' (54). Playing volleyball with just love left me with no competitiveness and I was not a leader. While playing with just power left me hating the sport and wanting to abandon my passion. Finally having a balance between both made me realize how important it is to put not just love into something but power as well.

While I was reading the end of chapter 4, Kahane says 'Falling down signals to us that we need to reflect on what we have been doing and why and with what effect. Then we must pick ourselves up and, with greater attentiveness, try to move forward again' (73).